Humans and Companion Parrots - A Key to
Successful Bonding

by Pamela Clark
December 2001

Our love for our parrots runs deep. It is this love which drives us to learn more about them and their behavior, so that we might come to have a better understanding of them. Understanding will, in turn, allow us to care for them in such a way that we might live long and happily with them. 

We often, in our attempts to understand them, compare our consciousness with those of our companion parrots. At the very least, we tend to assume that they are motivated by the same things we are. It is natural to do so. And, thanks to Irene Pepperberg’s outstanding research with African Greys, we now know that they can operate mentally on the level of a small child, which further encourages this type of thinking about our parrots. Although we publicly guard against anthropomorphism, we are secretly charmed by the manner in which our companion parrots seemingly display many of the same emotions we do. 

Flock and Family Bonds

However, there are still some very profound fundamental differences, which carry a tremendous impact on our interactions with them. Take, for instance, the manner in which they experience us…as compared with the manner in which they experience the wild. Lack of recognition of this difference is often responsible for the problems so many people have in getting their parrots to accept handling by all members of the flock, including both family and friends. 

Most people who keep companion parrots notice that a stronger bond develops between one particular family member and the bird. This is normal. However, this bond should not exclude bonds of differing strengths forming between the parrot and other family members. For example, my African Grey Rollo and I share far more affection in our bond than Clay and Rollo do. However, the bond that Clay and Rollo share is strong enough that, should something happen to me, Rollo could enjoy a wonderful, close existence with Clay as well. Their bond has developed because of Clay’s daily handling of and physical play with Rollo. 

One of the concerns most often expressed to me by people about their parrots, is the fact that the bird has bonded only to them and can not be handled by other family members, much less friends. Although conscious that this is recognized as a “behavior problem,” they are often resigned to this unhappy fact, repeating the often-quoted myth, “I guess he’s just a one person bird”. However, this type of thinking exists only outside of any awareness of how parrots form relationships in the wild. 

We know that many parrot species in the wild do bond with one other parrot; this is their primary mate bond. However, each parrot has relationships of varying depths and degrees with other flock members as well. It is these other relationships which are responsible for holding a flock together, along with each pair’s primary mate bond with each other. 

So, what makes the difference here? Why would parrots in the wild form several relationships with members of their flock, and then be unable to do so in the domestic environment? To find the answer, I think we must look at the nature of the relationships in question and the circumstances under which they are formed. 

Importance of Interactivity

In the wild, every social activity is linked with physical exercise. A flock of parrots flies together throughout the day, visiting different roosting, bathing and foraging sites. In young birds, or those developing a bond, affection is given in a physical manner, by preening and mutual feeding, while perching closely side by side. The birds do not sit apart from each other and tell each other how much they love each other…their bond is acted out through physical demonstrations. In other words, all of the bonds they form with other birds are created within the context of physical activity. 

Whenever we seek to better understand our parrots, we must return again to our recognition of the fact that our parrots are not domesticated. Their full complement of behaviors and instincts come from this wild heritage. Given that, I will assert that a parrot who develops all his bonds with other parrots in the wild through the process of moving together through the forests and savannas throughout the day, will have some difficulty bonding with a person who merely talks to him through his cage bars and offers him a nut once a day.

In the current wisdom implemented by public school teachers, it is often recognized that not all children learn in the same way. Some children learn more effectively if the information is presented verbally. Some retain information better if it is provided in a visual format. Perhaps this analogy can help us to better understand the mechanics of how parrots form their bonds with people and will allow us to give more credence to the importance of physically moving through space and time with our birds. 

As people express their worry to me that their parrot will not go to other family members, I have learned to ask, “What do the other family members do to form a bond with the parrot?” The answer varies, but never does it contain the statement that the others remove the bird from its cage and take it from room to room with them. The family members who are feeling “left out” of the parrot’s affections are usually handling the bird very little and attempting to show affection only through talking and providing treats. This is not usually effective.

Extending Relationships

I am fortunate to have a “living laboratory” in my home, with the many companion parrots we care for. And, due to the social phenomenon wherein barely adult children come back home to live after briefly “fledging,” we frequently have a mix of ages living under our roof. All of us enjoy the parrots who share our living space, and each of us provides a similar amount of ambient attention to each parrot. None of us walks through the living area without saying something or offering a scritch to the nearest feathered ones. Each of us enjoys the birds immensely and feels affection for them. 

Originally, my daughter Erin had tangible bonds only with Topper, our Goffin’s Cockatoo, and Professor, our Umbrella. However, as her confidence has grown and the level of responsibility shared for their care, she now has wonderful bonds with many of the Greys, and especially Marley, our Yellow-nape Amazon. Although she shares food with and talks to the others, no real bonds exist and they will resist stepping up on her hand if she makes the request.

My son, Will, has a bond only with Professor, the one bird he has routinely handled. Although he is charmed by Goldie, our Blue and Gold macaw, and spends time each day talking with her through the bars of her cage and giving her treats for the tricks she willingly does, he is not able to handle her. He has spent much time trying to form a bond with her. However, from my observations, this will not happen until he begins to handle her and move around the house with her. His affection for her, which is expressed through talking and the offering of treats has little impact on her. 

Venturing Out

The strength of the bonds that these birds have formed with each family member can be correlated directly to the degree to which the humans “travel,” or move around, with each bird. My son and I have primary bonds with each and every bird. We are the only ones who handle each bird every day, take them into the bathroom for showers, and bring them outdoors into aviaries or to other perches for the day. They also ride in the car with us when we go out on errands. 

A parrot will only form a strong bond with those who physically move around with the bird. The act of holding a parrot for a minute or two, or sharing time on the couch is not enough, although it is a start. The companion parrot will bond most strongly to those family members who physically pick the bird up and move around the household with it. Parrots, because of their genetic programming, are “hard wired” to best understand this manner of bonding. 

Many parrot owners will protest that they are unable to handle the bird and travel with it due to aggression on the part of the bird. Once an owner has been bitten a few times, enthusiasm for handling the bird tends to wane rapidly. However, in these cases, Sally Blanchard’s technique of working with a parrot in a neutral room is very effective. As she has often pointed out, in a neutral room, you become the most familiar thing to the parrot. This is also true when you take a parrot in the car to visit friends, or to run an errand, or for a walk outside, or around the house to play Sally’s game of “Real Estate Agent”. 

Although I have found several businesses that do not welcome birds inside (indoor restaurants, Costco, Trader Joes…), I have found far more that welcome such a visit. In California, at least, it is legal for animals to join their humans in outdoor dining areas. Further, in my small town, few businesses exist which don’t allow a parrot inside. Even on those rare occasions when I am asked to remove the bird, I feel that the attempt was worth the effort. My birds have been to our local True Value hardware store so many times, that they have made a friend in one of the cashiers. She looks forward to these visits when she can enjoy a bird while she rings up a sale. For the parrot’s part, they show me with their body language that this friendship and their contacts with this woman are also something they look forward to. In a small manner, she has become one of their extended “flock”. 

Ensuring Safety

I too hear of tragic reports of birds injured while outdoors with their humans. However, in each instance, one of several circumstances was present. The parrot was perched on the human’s shoulder or held on the hand without restraint. Perhaps the parrot was on a perch out in the open, unprotected from predators. The times when such accidents occur are most often those wherein the birds had no protection against their own wild tendencies to startle and take off when alarmed. Certainly, if we accept the responsibility to take them out into the world, then we also must take the precautions necessary for doing so.

I realize that concerns abound about taking parrots out of doors. I answer them every day in my conversations with people. However, I continue to believe that, if we choose to keep our birds’ wings clipped (as I do), then we must rightfully become their agents for experiencing and exploring the world. 

Certainly, there are ways of taking them with us which are safe, and they bear looking into. Harnesses are often accepted by macaws and cockatoos without undue distress. One particular brand of car carrier, made for parrots, converts to a backpack for going on walks. Small collapsible cages can be found for safe transport in the car. These can also be carried into stores and other establishments. 

Ultimately, we must each act in a manner consistent with our own most true thoughts and feelings. If the idea of taking one of our birds with us when we travel short or long distances fills us with anxiety, then clearly to do so would be counterproductive. The parrot would undoubtedly experience a similar sense of anxiety, picked up from its person. Any benefit possibly gained from the outing would be likely to be nullified by this factor. 

Home Adventures

For those who choose not to travel with their birds outdoors, there still exist a myriad of possibilities for moving around with your parrots. Setting up alternate perching sites around the house and bringing your bird with you as you move from room to room can do wonders to stimulate and interest your parrot. In addition to the usual t-stands, or more decorative stands, that rest on the floor, advertisers carry several products that hang from the ceiling and provide places for perching which are less obtrusive. Thus, in every room, I have either a “Boing” (coiled rope perch) or other type of ceiling perch on which I can place a bird while I go about my activities in that room. 

Outdoor cages or small flights can also greatly add to the richness of a parrot’s existence. These are reasonable in price or can be made easily by the parrot owner. Even the practice of maintaining a sleeping cage in the bedroom can help to satisfy the parrot’s need to move around with us. What a gift it is to allow a parrot to share this most intimate practice of returning to our bedroom to retire alongside us for the night. 

For those raising young parrots, it is a simple enough matter for all those wanting a bond with the bird to carry it around the house at least once a day, making use of alternate perching sites as described. For parrot owners struggling with the reality of a bird who can only be handled by one family member, the reversal of this is certainly possible with commitment and time. Again, those family members not sharing a bond with the parrot can most effectively begin working with the bird in a neutral room, and then expand their activities with the bird from there. 

There is no excuse for a “one person bird." Not only does this curtail our parrot’s enjoyment of other possible relationships, but also it places the parrot’s existence in serious jeopardy if something should happen to the person with whom the parrot is bonded. This is a problem that can easily be remedied by some close work with a behavior consultant. We owe it to our birds to carry them with us, not only in our hearts, but physically, in whatever way works for us, as we go about our own journey.